EvilBeavis
Status:
Profile Headline:
Hi! I'm Beavis and my Grandma use to tell me: What doesn't kill you makes you shit your pants
Last Login:
within 7 days
Last Updated:
About Me
Username:
EvilBeavis
Gender:
Male
Ethnicity:
Caucasian
City:
Mato Grosso
Country:
Brazil
Sexual Preference:
Straight
Marital Status:
Divorced
Occupation/Major:
I wanna be your dog.
School:
Chaz Marootie State Penal Colony
Favorite Food:
Polynesian lung wart pot pie. Like the French say: Bone Ass Petite!
Pets:
Mandrake, a retired Elvis impersonator from Australia. He's a kangaroo
Automobile:
1998 Hyundai Poop Tart
About Me:
Hello. I am Beavis, a member of the Kreen-Akrore tribe from Brazil. We are called by many names: 1-The Yunk, 2-The Protectors Of The Orinoco River, 3-Montezuma's Revenge, and 4-Brangelina, to name a few I am currently employed at a poop shovel factory in New Jersey. My boss, Julio Castraeto, is a coelacanth and he is driven to become the wealthiest lungfish on earth. I haven't got the heart to tell him Elon Musk is also a coelacanth.
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22 Photos
LIFE SUCKS FOR BEAVIS
Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
Back there when I was in high school, the tribal council had a difficult time placing me for employment. Despite my diversified interests, each test I completed pointed to one thing, a career in the medical field. You can imagine how excited I was to receive this news and dreams of a high paying nursing or physician's career danced in my head! At my final counseling session, I was informed my scores indicated I was best suited for the job duties of a rectal thermometer.
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
1-Puds, 2-Dinkys, 3-painful rectal itch ointment
Favorite Books:
1-Spermagic: 1001 Fun Things You Can Do With Sperm by Beavis, 2-The Sperm Lover's Guide To Brazilian Prison Cuisine by Beavis, 3-How To Suck A Small Stinky Cock by Fellatio Poon Jr
What I Like To Do For Fun:
1-Spread my hairy butt cheeks on a secluded beach in front of Donald Trump, Elon Musk, a couple of sadistic termites, and all their fat, sweaty, bilaterally symmetrical friends, 2-Boink sheep, 3-Seductively adjust my testicles and then smell my fingers, 4-I love poking other poorly hung men in the ass.
Favorite Songs:
I love classical music and my favorite album is: 1-The Buttcracker Suite by Tchaikovsky. Other favorites: 2-Sheep Lie by The Beastiality Boys (rated 5 stars by Farm And Rancher magazine), 3-Butt Rock Heaven by Kid Butt Rock
Favorite Movies:
1-The Sheriff Wore A Bra starring John Wayne, 2-Beavis Is A Fat Pile Of Shit (The Documentary) starring Beavis
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
I am the current world record holder, as listed by The Guinness Book of Records, in the category of Catholic Clergy Members Who Have Pulled My Finger. As of May 1, 2025, I have had 201 priests, 19 bishops, and 2 Popes pull my finger accompanied by my obligatory return fart.
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
In the emergency room of a major hospital having something really big removed from my ass
Hobbies:
1-Cloacal respiration, 2- Delousing uncircumcised midgets, 3-Filling my ass with helium so my farts will sound real squeaky,
Talents:
1-I can lick my own balls. I can lick your balls too. If you want, 2-Because of my own history as a survivor Tiny Penis Disease, I am really good at consoling other men who suffer from TPD. This included the tiniest of the tiny, guys named Beavis.
Perfect Mate:
My perfect mate would: 1-Have a gigantic flabby ass like Jennifer Buttpez, 2-Be Binomially flatulent, 3-And most importantly, she would not sing It's A Small World every time she sees my penis
Perfect Date:
A midnight walk thru the Rocky Gonad Mountains with a naked MILF and bitch farting every conservative talk show host we encounter
Turn Ons/Offs:
Turn On: 1-When my mom catches me masturbating and doesnt laugh hysterically, 2-Large well-adjusted newts, 3-Pinata's filled with sperm. Turn Off: 1-Waiting for the diarrhea medication to take affect, 2-Famous Chinese midgets
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
1-I am proud to announce that I, Beavis, am a licensed vocational asshole. 2-I look just like Brad Pitt. 3-Got milk? No. I bite ass for calcium, 4-Something unusual happened to me at church this week. I was sitting in the balcony when I noticed the new assistant Padre was a cute and sexy guy with the bulge of joy in his trousers. I looked around and saw there were a couple of guys who were hiding from the cops and the usual gang of marijuana users in the balcony with me so I decided to give myself a gentlemanly tug. None of that wild screaming and moaning and crazy testicle slapping! I was very low key and relaxed. However, when it came time to ejaculate, I lost control and shot a huge load of midget grade A jizz mo that hit the choir leader in her gigantic 350 pound ass! As she gyrated and danced, she proceeded to reel me in like a fish on a line! Because midget jizz has all the strength and sticky properties of Spider Mans web, it was impossible for me to break free. After her song ended, she danced her way back to her chair at which point I could not prevent myself from being launched towards her at great speed! My face impacted her gigantic ass and penetrated until only my feet were showing. She then let out a loud scream and announced she felt like she was giving birth. The pastor and his cute assistant placed the porky choir member on the floor, spread her legs, and prepared to deliver a baby. Unfortunately for me, as soon as her panties were removed, I shot out of her ass and smacked the pastor a glancing blow on his forehead, ricocheted off a stained glass window and landed in the baptismal basin.
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Beavis
pedo