Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
When a boy is born with his scrotum attached to his neck, kinda like a rooster has that wobbly ass red pendulous piece of flesh called a wattle, and the boy is teased and humiliated by his peers and, sometimes, his peer's parents. This one time, the mother of my best friend used it as a speed punching bag in front of the entire 7th grade special ed class and I was so embarrassed that I shit myself on purpose to draw attention away from my scrotum-wattle. You know what I mean, you know what I'm saying? Aw yea! Can you imagine how I felt when I got a boner or the doctor said turn your head and cough!? That be all fucked up, bitches! Rasta prophecy tells of a tall, pale, dorky stranger with an unusual growth on his neck, like an over-sized nutt sack, who comes with his Cuissanart and electric toothbrush, to lead the people out of oppression to freedom, prosperity, healthy baking, and good oral hygiene!
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
Rasta & pasta. Notre Dame Farting Irish football. The Sheen brothers, Emilio, Charlie, and Afro.
Favorite Books:
Chariots Of The Gonsgas by Erich Von Daniken. BBQ Cookbooks. That reminds me! Last Tuesday, I was setting up the BBQ grill when I accidentally squirted lighter fluid all over my crotch. My wife suggested I should change pants immediately to avoid any problems. I didn't listen to her because I am a manly masculine macho shithead who ain't listening to no bitch and I laughed in her face as I told her. Thats when the lightning struck. My crotch looked like a 4 alarm fire at the Oscar Meyer Weiner Plant! Afterwards, my wife laughed and said it was a really small fire.
What I Like To Do For Fun:
I mean, I loves to be sprinkling twinky dust on the flaccid cocks of elderly members of the gay community. You know what I mean, you know what I'm saying?
Favorite Songs:
My Fat Bavarian Fraulein by Jean-Claude Pieceofdookie, Albino Sinister by Fruity Bag Boy And The Hairy Girls Choir Of Jamaica, No Gerbil No Cry by Teddy Tenderass, The Harder They Cum The Stickier My Face by Skank Williams, Gonsga Told Me Not To Come by Three Dog Night.
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
Lord have mercy, y'all! I done so much crazy shit that I don't have to lie about this. One time, I give off bad vibes at a Jennifer Lopez concert. Another time, I accidentally sat on Fred Dursts testicles. He screamed and accidentally bit off my left nipple. Also, I gave a tuba an enema once. I was high.
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
At Pauley Shore's house, binge watching all his classic movies.
Hobbies:
Biting the big one. Biting the small one. Break dancing. Hoops. Smoking the magical mystery weed. Rasta man shaman stuff. Hallucinogens.
Talents:
Putz pulling. Rolling fattys. Write songs about the frustration and injustice of living the Rasta lifestyle.
Perfect Mate:
I have always had a strong desire for them bitches, yo. The first time I had a relationship with an ebony queen was in college. She was stunningly beautiful with an amazing smile and a perfect ass! A dwarf with huge tits, she knew how to please a young white guy with a permanent erection. You know what I mean, you know what I is saying?
Perfect Date:
Me and a nutt-worthy bitch, dressed like turnips, on The Price Is Right, yo! I loves intellectual programming on network television.
Turn Ons/Offs:
ON: When skanks are not offended by my smelly testicles. Jamaican booty. Smoking weed and chasing down the edibles. Diego-my neighbor's horny pit bull, I mean, we be good buddies. OFF: Women with fat feet. My goiter. Pencil neck geeks. Being transported back in time to the Huronian Glaciation.
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
Yea mon, I been jamming it all up and stuff. You know what I is saying, you know what I means? Let's smoke some weed and do strange things to my neighbors pet gopher. Oh the slackness in my musical soul!