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msterjack

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Profile Headline: It's just me, no reason to get excited

Last Login: 7 years ago

Last Updated:

About Me

Username: msterjack

Gender: Male

Ethnicity: Other

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Blue

Weight: 177 pounds

Height: 71 inches

Age: 62

City: Probably hiding under your bed, masturbating

Country: United States

Sexual Preference: Straight

Smoke: Non Smoker

Drink: Moderate

Drugs: Party

Marital Status: Involved

Occupation/Major: Slacker

School: Some, but dropped out to pursue career as a door-to-door masturbator

Favorite Food: If you would just make me a ham and cheese sandwich, I'll give you my credit card numbers

Pets: uhhmm...do you mean am I a pet, or do I have pets?

Automobile: My everyday car is a red Ferrari but my "big date" auto is a 1992 Chevy S-10 pickup (LOADED)

About Me: The Sheriff usually has the previous evening's arrest reports online by noon the next day, check back then

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Favorite Models: MissAshleexo Lucy_Goose V_Sex_Machine PinkMatter HairyKittty neverinmylife

Interests & Hobbies

Meaning of Life: Don't ask me, I'm still trying to figure out why I wasn't born rich and good looking

Five Things I Can't Live Without: Air, food, water, Skittles,and Mountain Dew

Favorite Books: How To Tell If Your Cat is Plotting To Kill You

What I Like To Do For Fun: masturbate, beat off, jerk off, can you get a little closer to the cam baby, 'cause I'm jerking my 'urkin riiiight nooow

Favorite Songs: The Offspring, Southside Johnny,Green Day, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Lords of Acid, Killers, The Ramones, Meatloaf, Theory of a Deadman, Blue Oyster Cult, Social Distortion, Beatles, Cake, Jellybricks, The Romantics,The Cure, and of course,Wham

Favorite Movies: Don Jon, Casablanca, Animal House, Lone Survivor, Kelly's Heroes. Dirty Pizza Delivery Girls (Volume 23)

Craziest Thing I've Ever Done: shit, that's easy - got married...answer goes double for the "Dumbest Thing I've ever Done"

If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now: There's a mini-golf course, right close to where I live, with the funniest dinosaur statue on the 14th hole. I know the secret trick to getting the ball to pop up into the dinosaur's mouth and come out his asshole, right into the hole, for a hole in one. I would love to show it to you....

Hobbies: Surfing the internet, composing some of the worst tweets known to mankind, and pretending to have a life

Talents: Some people tell me I am "full of...knowledge"

Perfect Mate: I'm really not all that picky, but I do prefer girls who have a pulse..seriously...pretty, smart and with a sense of humor are usually a deadly combination for me...

Perfect Date: I pick you up and you are all dolled up and wearing a tight mini-skirt. We go out to dinner to a really nice restaurant and take in a show. You are very cute and teasing me and laughing. You will look even cuter three hours later when you are handcuffed to my bed with your panties stuffed in your mouth. Hey princess, who's laughing now?

Turn Ons/Offs: Turn ons: Do you have a pulse? Will you make me a ham and cheese sandwich? Does your step-dad have a nice car? Turn offs: I hate goddam restraining orders...just fucking hate them

Best Reason to Get to Know Me: Well,that's easy. Once you get past the inappropriate behavior,the rude and insensitive comments, the atrocious table manners, the poor body hygiene, the total lack of social skills, the constant whining, the pills and booze and gambling... ...oh, who am I kidding here? I'm a fucking train wreck and there's no reason to get to know me.

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