DeanKeypenis
Status:
Profile Headline:
Hello! It's me BEAVIS! I am the strong silent type, just like my farts.
Last Login:
within 7 days
Last Updated:
About Me
Username:
DeanKeypenis
Gender:
Male
Hair:
Balding
Weight:
136 pounds
Height:
50 inches
City:
Little Cock, Arkansas
Sexual Preference:
Bi-curious
Occupation/Major:
I am THE LORD OF SMEGMA! Bow to me or Ill curse you with a pantload of stinky cheese!
School:
Ball State University
Favorite Food:
Beavis loves cruciferous veggies. I also love ass fruit like prunes and dingleberrys
Pets:
Pizza Dog
About Me:
1- Most of you think I am an income poop. 2- I have been told by many people that I bear an uncanny resemblance to Brad Pitt, except I have better nostrils. 3- I have more hair on my ass than I do on my head. 4- Well, I've just been informed that my embarrassing health condition is called SPEED WEINIE and the cause is snorting way too much meth. Everything goes frightened turtle down there, thus magnifying the problem of having a really small Groucho.
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WHAT I DID LAST SUMMER
BEAVIS STUFF
Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
Life puts many obstacles and distractions in a young boy's path to manhood, including a horny grandpa, a smelly undersized cock, marauding sex rats, a low IQ, attractive sheep, the inability to recognize the terrible beating that BEAVIS is taking at the hands of this handsome charming guy who does not like the way BEAVIS treats the models on MFC, etc. Ha! He wants me, BEAVIS, to stop leaving my ugly comments on their profiles! Doesn't he understand these comments are symbolic of my anger and frustration and are meant FOR ALL WOMEN? Every woman who's ever farted as she laughed in my face when I confessed my love, smelled my balls and collapsed in a cold sweaty heap, kicked me in the testicles, called the police and filed attempted rape charges, screamed in horror upon meeting me for a blind date, regurgitated after being mooned by me, and gone into a coma after seeing my diseased green cock! My life sucks.
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
1- Hallucinogens (especially Liquid Poodle). 3- Chinese sheep dip. 4- Pleiadian Nocturnal Transmission Channeling.
Favorite Books:
BEAVIS is pleased but slightly embarrassed to announce my oldest son has written a tell all book about me and it recently spent 11 weeks on the NYT best seller list. The book, entitled My Dad Is A Weinie Wagger, is an honest, sometimes humorous look at life with a serial exhibitionist.
What I Like To Do For Fun:
1- My ass can do a lot of things. One of the more impressive feats is the amount of force my ass generates when I clench. It has been measured at 30,000 pounds per square inch or roughly 6 times as powerful as a large saltwater crocodile's bite.
2- CALL SMART PEOPLE CUNT.
Favorite Songs:
1 - My Itchy Bitchy Sack - Billy Ray Beavis. 2 - When You Find The Midget Hair Dresser Of Your Dreams Stuck Between The Ass Cheeks Of A Trump Supporting One Armed Sewer Worker In South Philadelphia - Miley Beavis And The Irish Meat Whistles.
Favorite Movies:
Detroit smells like my ass! BRYAN HERRIN says so
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
1 - Vote for Trump. BEND OVER AMERICA, DONALD TRUMP IS ABOUT TO MAKE YOU GREAT AGAIN! 2 - Vote for Biden. Bend over America, Joe Biden still has 2 months left as our president! 3 - A new age werewolf once gave me a deep tissue massage and followed that up with existential butt sex that did not require lube.
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
1- In my shitty bathroom preparing to shave and shampoo deez stinky nutz before a date with the Poontaco twins, Emelda and Jennifer.
Hobbies:
1 - Spontaneous combustion. 2 - Hanging out with Peter Gozinyourass. 3 - Midget bukkake.
Talents:
Lately, BEAVIS has had a Pup Tent causing, recurring dream, the kind that makes your knob tighten up and frightens your sheep. In this fantasy, the world is experiencing a terrible zombie epidemic but a group of handsome, dashing heroes have gathered to save humanity! Of course, I am the leader of the group and Brad Pitt is there and so are Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Axl Rose, 2 of the Wayans Brothers, the fat guy from Lost, and many more well hung celebrities. Unfortunately, I become infected by the virus but in a strange twist of fantasy copying real life, BEAVIS only eats the dicks of my victims. Including my dream buddy Brad Pitt (some people say i look just like him).
Perfect Mate:
My perfect mate would be a shaman, mystic, witch, or warlock with the skill and knowledge to battle the 5000 year old evil goat scrotum that has possessed my soul since a band of diseased rats took my virginity on my 35th birthday.
Perfect Date:
1- I would love to take my date to visit The Tomb of The Unknown Midget. 2- Beavis has a wish to become an ASSTRONAUT and, with your permission, visit Uranus in the near future. 3- Also, BEAVIS has a fantasy regarding the Kardashian-Jenner women. Kim is a St Bernard, Khloe is a Doberman, Kourtney is a cute little Corgi, Kendall is a mutt that kind of resembles a small moose, Krusty is a scholarly Border Collie, momma Kris is a totally fabulous French Poodle, and sexy Kaitlin is a kind of man girl dog thingy. And me....I am one very happy fire hydrant!
Turn Ons/Offs:
Turn On: 1 - Gymnosperms. Turn Off: 1- When my Grandpa is horny. 3 - When a mosquito lands on my penis, putting it at risk of being crushed.
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
I was awarded the Ukrainian Brown Star of David Hasselhoff For Heroism in the face of overwhelming danger for protecting a flock of sheep that had been kidnapped by Russian soldiers. Armed only with a single 55 gallon drum of sheep dip and an erection, I managed to liberate the sheep from their horny oppressors.
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MarianaSantos
hello my gentleman, thank you for your beautiful messages, very kind 
I hope you had a nice Christmas, darling. May this year be wonderful for you, a great 2025.
2Take care of yourself my gentleman
a
Littlekai2025
Thank you and Happy Holidays to you and your loved one :cheers
MarianaSantos
hhello sweet lord thank you for your cute deceos
Beavis
you're a cunt, fuck off
Samantha_hot_
thanks for msg kisss
MarianaSantos
thanks for your nice message daddy I hope this next month is wonderful for you 
OpheliaTitty
Hi Beavis. Big fan, love your take on poorly hung midgets. Been listening to your podcast, The Angry Midget Happy Hour, for weeks and I now understand why nobody likes you.