DeanKeypenis
Status:
Profile Headline:
I am the strong silent type. Just like my farts. Hello. It's me Dean Keypenis, aka BEAVIS.
Last Login:
within 7 days
Last Updated:
About Me
Username:
DeanKeypenis
Gender:
Male
Weight:
136 pounds
Height:
50 inches
City:
Little Cock, Arkansas
Sexual Preference:
Bi-curious
Occupation/Major:
Short order cook
School:
Ball State University
Favorite Food:
Philadelphia Reem Cheese
About Me:
Even though I know most of you think I am an income poop and I think some of you are probably wrong, I want to say on my behalf that I have feelings too, and you people regularly like beat the snot out of them. Won't you please stop? I have been told by many people that I bear an uncanny resemblance to Brad Pitt except with better nostrils.
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BEAVIS STUFF
Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
One day, not having to be cock shamed and punished with butt sex by my grandpa. Mom says he is old and will die soon so I should just shut up and make him happy.
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
1 - My life size tattoo of Jesse Jackson's penis located just an
inch above my butt crack. It's a tiny tattoo. 2 - Liquid Poodle. 3 - Chinese sheep dip. 4 - Penicillin . 5 - Pleiadian Nocturnal Transmission Channeling.
Favorite Books:
1 - Bleeding From The Ass: My Life As The Oldest NBA Ball Boy - Beavis. 2 - I am pleased but slightly embarrassed to announce my oldest son has written a tell all book about me and it recently spent 11 weeks on the NYT best seller list. The book, entitled My Dad Is A Weinie Wagger, is an honest, sometimes humorous look at life with a serial weinie wagger.
What I Like To Do For Fun:
1 - My ass can do a lot of things. One of the more impressive feats is the amount of force my ass generates when I clench. It has been measured at 40,000 pounds per square inch or roughly 6 times as powerful as a large saltwater crocodile's bite.
2 - CALL SMART PEOPLE CUNT.
Favorite Songs:
1 - My Itchy Bitchy Sack - Billy Ray Beavis. 2 - When You Find The Girl Of Your Dreams Stuck Between The Ass Cheeks Of A One Armed Butcher's Apprentice In South Philadelphia - Beavis And The Irish Meat Whistles
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
BEND OVER AMERICA, DONALD TRUMP IS ABOUT TO MAKE YOU GREAT AGAIN! Bend over America, Joe Biden still has 2 months left as our president!
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
In my shitty bathroom preparing to shave and shampoo deez stinky nutz before a date with the Poontaco twins, Emelda and Jennifer.
Hobbies:
1 - Spontaneous combustion. 2 - Hanging out with Peter Gozinyourass.
Talents:
I'm really good at cleaning grandpa's boxers after his accidents.
Perfect Mate:
My perfect mate would be a shaman or mystic with the skill and knowledge to battle the 5000 year old evil goat scrotum that has possessed my soul since the Battle of Crimea.
Perfect Date:
I want to become an ASSTRONAUT and hopefully visit Uranus in the near future. Also, I have a fantasy regarding the Kardashian-Jenner women. Kim is a St Bernard, Khloe is a Doberman, Kourtney is a cute little Corgi, Kendall is a mutt that kind of resembles a small moose, Krusty is a scholarly Border Collie, momma Kris is a totally fabulous French Poodle, and sexy Kaitlin is a kind of man girl dog thingy. And me....I am one very happy fire hydrant!
Turn Ons/Offs:
Turn On: 1 - You know the old saying, A CROWDED ELEVATOR SMELLS DIFFERENT TO A MIDGET? Yea, it's true and I categorically delight in this symphony of unwashed human buttholes. Turn Off: 1 - When my personal heinie wiper, E_n_i_g_m_a66, forgets the moist towelettes. 2 - When my Grandpa is horny. 3 - When a mosquito tries to land on my penis, putting my dick in danger of being crushed. 4 - Spilling hot sauce on my jock Itch.
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
I was awarded the Ukrainian Brown Star of David Hasselhoff For Heroism in the face of overwhelming danger for trying to protect a flock of sheep that had been kidnapped by Russian soldiers. Armed only with a single 55 gallon drum of sheep dip and an erection, I managed to liberate the sheep from their horny oppressors.
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OpheliaTitty
Hi Beavis. Big fan, love your take on poorly hung midgets. Been listening to your podcast, The Angry Midget Happy Hour, for weeks and I now understand why nobody likes you.