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DavidJanca
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Profile Headline: Rumored to have a substantial amount of brain damage
Last Login: 2 weeks ago
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About Me
Username: DavidJanca
Gender: Male
Body Type: Little in the middle
Ethnicity: Various
Weight: 200 pounds
Height: 69 inches
Age: 68
City: Titty Beach
Country: Brazil
Sexual Preference: Bi-curious
Smoke: Herb
Drink: Light
Occupation/Major: Sausage aficionado, short order cook.
School: SUNA School Of Hairy Toad Ambiguity
Favorite Food: I am an insectivore.
Pets: 48 invisible sheep & Thurston a 230 pound tabby cat
Automobile: A pick up truck named Ralph. Beep Beep.
About Me: 1. I don't like the tiny penis jokes. 2. Last year at Burning Man, I fried all the hair on my ass while shitting on a burning tire. 3. Aardvarks come to me in my dreams, dressed as pirates. 4. I am a Jedi knight, I've been washed in the menstrual blood of a Wookie. 5. suna. 6. i am the boy who until recently had blond hairs. 7. I have 3 butt cheeks. 8. In high school, I was president of The Future Raccoons of Venezuela Club and was known as Senor Mapache. 9. I have donated sperm to over 300 women. Unfortunately, not long after my last donation, I was arrested for ejaculating into the food of over 300 Dennys customers.
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Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life: When you put your ear next to my asshole, you can hear the ocean. In a previous life, I was a bi-valve named Clark and I worked at a drug store in Dublin, Ireland.
Five Things I Can't Live Without: 1. my kidneys, 2. my livers, 3. water, 4. oxygen, 5. beer, 6. Preposition H, 7. prunes, 8. demon powder, 9. polyvinyl butyral, 10. suna
Favorite Books: My Name Is Janca, It Rhymes With Wanka and On My Tongue I Have A Great Big Shanker by Sir David Farragut McGroin O'Neal Poodlestone Janca III (no relation to me). Excavating The J-Lopithicus Bigassicus by Jane Goodall
What I Like To Do For Fun: 1. Polish my cats nostrils. 2. drain Lake Michigan. 3. spell anus backwards. 4. dance naked in front of demons during the Solstice. 5. remember things, scary things, from before the beginning of mans recorded history. Like this time an apparition appeared to me on my way to an out house in Uraguay and demanded a sacrifice to the God of Premature Ejaculation and Genital Warts. The apparition revealed his naked body and I was so aroused at seeing his 3 semi-erect meat whistles that I prostated myself on the floor in front of him with my ass cheeks spread. Upon seeing my loathsome, spotted, malodorous buttocks, he then spoke with great anger in his voice, Whoa unto thee you of poor anal hygiene! A curse upon your pitiful little weiner and may your wifes breasts sag for eternity! So far, he is right about my wifes breasts.
Favorite Songs: The greatest music ever created was by the immortal band, KISS!!! The members are supreme intellectuals and true virtuosos who are also gifted songwriters! And the make-up! Kitty Cat, Star Face, Ground Hog, and Raccoon! A truly breathtaking breakthrough in musical theater! Only real intellectuals understand what they are attempting to achieve so the rest of you bastard go back to listening to Beethoven, Mozart, John Coltrane, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Jeff Beck, Weather Report, and Miles Davis! Bitches! I'm tired of all the negative comments and derisive laughter aimed at this band of immortal musical Gods! Ok, I also enjoy the following songs a lot: Bend Over And Take It Like A Man-my grandfather use to sing this song to me just before...uh, never mind. Eskimo Love Song-Tucker Moose Meat And The Mother Tuckers, Proud To Be Stupid And A Trump Supporter-Forest Trump And Ring Around The Collar, Mating Sounds Of Corpulent American Politicians -National Geographic, Ode To A Butt Fucking Newt-Beavis And The Tiny Cock Quintet featuring Birthday_66, 4) Requiem For A Gerbil by Truman Capote. 5) Fifty Shades Of Albino by Edgar Winter. My Grandma's Pubes- Badly Drawn Pork Dooky Crack Pipe Boy, 6) BugsBunny_66 Eats Raw Sewage- Hootie And The Ectomorphs
Favorite Movies: Idiot With A Fish-The Jacque CouStrap Story
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done: Despite being Vince Offer's doppelganger, I am not the guy in the Sham-Wow commercials. However, in a recent out-of-body experience, I did urinate on Vince's soul and sleep with his cousin Moe Syzlak. Last summer, while visiting Uganda, I was invited to a birthday party for Doyouknowhat Amin, grandson of former Ugandan President Idi Amin. It was a wild affair with drink, drugs, big leg naked crazy women, really short guys, and unusually intelligent sheep of all shapes and sizes! It was incredible! I tried so many alcoholic beverages and strange drugs that I swear they helped me to grow wings and fly and then, after a brief restroom break, turn my nipples into draft beer dispensers! Following my nipples running out of beer, an undersized goat taught me the secrets of alchemy but the best thing to happen to me was waking up the next morning in a grass hut, on the floor, totally naked with 15-20 Batwa pygmies who were also nude! Despite my ass being sore for a couple of days after that, I really enjoyed my time there.
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now: I could like to be on a Dr Pimple Stompers TV show having the enlarged pores on my ass shrunk and the white hot blackheads squeezed until they ejaculate creamy white pus and keratin all over my anus.
Hobbies: 1. I talk to the wind. 2. I talk to pretzels. 3. I talk to large women.
Talents: I thinks I wood nake a great politician. Look, americans voted Donald Trump and joe Biden into office and they are both complete and total idiots who are/were overmatched by the responsibilities of the job. Its not just about enriching yourself and your moron children! Its about not getting caught too! Which I am good at.
Perfect Mate: I dream of finding a raven haired beauty from the Andes Mountains with big brown eyes, tanned skin, and long slender legs. If she also possessed the *chubby enthusiasm of Kelly Clarkson*, the *massive garbanzos of Sophia Vergara*, the *sloppy seconds is ok with me sex appeal of Pamela Anderson*, and *lips the color and texture of Brad Pitts foreskin*, she would achieve total physical perfection!
Perfect Date: Sitting on the face of an angry politician and expecting him/her to guess my weight. After, there will be much discussion on why it it so difficult to get the smell of ass off your face.
Turn Ons/Offs: Turn off-poodles with leprosy, the clap, shankers, diaper rash, crabs, canker sores, genital warts, cheesy secretions, shrinkage, smegma, herpes, STDs, premature ejaculation, ill fitting adult diapers. Turn on-The Jersey Shore Kids. The smell of cat urine. Turn on and off-Lately, Ive been hanging out at a local club called The Sausage Room. Its pretty wild there and something crazy is always going on! The servers are all big women with deep voices and so sweet! I love the place! The only problem with is I keep running into cute girls who want to have sex but every time something starts to happen, I discover that the women have a weiner! A dong! A penis! Its frightening how far we get before the truth is revealed! It doesnt help that I am usually plastered out of my mind and horny enough to screw a male gorilla! So, I guess I sort of enjoy these encounters especially because nobody complains about the size of my cock.
Best Reason to Get to Know Me: Well I'm just a modern guy, I've had it in the ear before. Also, during a recent legal proceeding, the court determined that I was Non Compost Mentis
Message Wall
NoemiStar
thank you dear
MariahXO_
hi baby!!! keep doing your thing! we all have to be a bit insane to keep sane in this world! thank you for the amazing comment and i enjoy you in my room!! you can come for a ride on the Mariah train anytime babe
DavidJanca
Hello to Beavis, The Dickless Boy Wonder! Your mom says she misses you and hopes the penis enlargement pump we gave you for your birthday is helping. And don't forget, take those boxes of extra small condoms and change the print on them to read extra large! Maybe you can fool a couple of really stupid girls into thinking, well you know. Have you seen your father? Theres a nice article in Cross Dressing Jackass magazine about him. You should try to find it., its really entertaining. Your dads still pissed that Im making nik nik with your cousin David but Im pretty sure this is a permanent arrangement as your dad's paper route just wasnt paying the bills. Tell your friends in the ghetto we said hello and please try not to have too much butt sex, your ass wasnt built for such punishment and it chafes and swells and itches.
Beavis
this guy is a super annoying cunt
AnitaHandjob
You are a little bit strange. Do you receive any kind of psychiatric care? I hope not. Keep on keeping weird!
DavidJanca
Hi Jimmy! I hope you had a safe and sane 4th of July!
JimmyHatton52
#1 I love my tiplist #numero_uno
sbfl64
man ive read every word of your profile! Holy shit man!! its fucking fantastic!! and they all said that I was sick and twisted, bro keep it real and weird! peace
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