Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
Life finds a way! Listen to the farts of a million butterflies as they evolve over the eons. Do they laugh and joke about it? Do they ask each other to pull their fingers? Do they need little tiny cans of lemon air freshener? Think about it.
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
Big titties! Crayons! Wide lined paper! Thorazine!
Favorite Books:
Overcoming Tiny Hands, 50 Shades of Stupid Is As Stupid Does
What I Like To Do For Fun:
Hostile takeovers, long distance running.
Favorite Songs:
Pecker Head Feet by The Honkey Podiatrist
Favorite Movies:
Forest Trump, Shaving Ryan's Privates
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
Buy an apartment building with that idiot, Jared Kushner.
UPDATE!!! Ive just returned home after spending a month in Colombia with my new friend, Danny Kiutt! I met Danny on the MFC site and we have a lot in common. Anyway, my time in Colombia was punctuated with nightly drinking binges and lots of yodeling! In fact, we would drink every night until I passed out! I must admit, I am a lightweight when it comes to booze. One thing that puzzled me, every morning after our wild drinking escapades, I would wake up with a really sore butthole! Danny said he didnt know why this could be happening. Neither did his friends, known collectively as The Gauchos. Now that Im back home in New York, the problem has cleared up but I am feeling oddly unfulfilled. Until next time mi amigos!
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
On a shrimp boat on the Gulf of Mexico
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
I am a dedicated friend and servant to those I love! This one time when I was 12, Uncle Donald and members of our family were dining with the royal family of Saudi Arabia. The food was spicey, greasy, and smelled like the breath of a thousand sea sick camels but we didnt want to insult our hosts so we ate that shit anyway. Unfortunately, uncle Donalds tummy started to rumble and shake and within minutes, he did The Queen Mother of all sharts! The sound frightened the children and several of the older women began to cry. Then the smell hit! The King called out the military and broke off relations with the USA! He then threatened a Jihad against bad hair if the culprit did not confess. Uncle Donald leaned over and whispered in my ear I promise to buy you a gerbil and a roll of electrical tape if you take the blame. I did and the King smiled and laughed and told me to go and clean up. Uncle Donald volunteered to supervise so he could remove the evidence. Anyway, a major international crisis was averted and I got my first gerbil!