Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
Trying not to get any shit on yourself. My penis burns when i urinate, why?
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
Beer, porn, bacon, tits, air freshener, 2-ply toilet paper, and my parrot Euclid.
Favorite Books:
Who the fuck reads?
What I Like To Do For Fun:
drink beer and kick ass
Favorite Songs:
Romantic music conducive to performing oral sex on a squirrel.
Favorite Movies:
The Itsy Bitsy Penis Went Up The Anal Canal-starring Pee Wee Herman as Yancy Murphy
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
Launch a bottle rocket from my ass
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
drinking beer and eating deep fried asparagus with a large, kinky Serbo-Croatian girl.
Hobbies:
feeling my nutts, butt sex
Talents:
rubbing people the wrong way, tromboning a squirrel
Perfect Mate:
A rich blond girl or guy with big titties, a small vocabulary, who likes anal sex
Perfect Date:
A pro wrestling match with a hot chick...
Turn Ons/Offs:
TURN ON'S - large women, martial arts, prostrate exams, the way asparagus makes my pee smell, big tits, bacon, fighting, sauerkraut, beer, clean air, the ocean, blonds, air freshener, the way my underwear smells after a long hard day at work, ass kicking, & basketball.
TURN OFF'S - cops, flatulence, small tits, light beer, golf, Elvis impersonators, mimes, quiche, sheep dip, marriage, diarrhea, Barry Manilow, zucchini, underwear, harpoons, kidney stones, my uncle Mort, hairy women, constipation, liver spots, goiters, liars, politicians, Republicans, Democrats, racists, Donald Trump, Jesse Jackson, David Duke, tuna, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Hilary Clinton, Alex Rodriguez, Notre Dame University, poop, Wall Street, Nazis, nose hair, libraries, yodeling, velveeta, Philadelphia, droopy tits, Asians, Latin Americans, Wogs, loose sphincters, lopsided tits
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
My fridge is always full of beer and i have black belts in ju jitsu, wing chung, taequando, sumo wrestling, boxing, interstellar space travel, kick boxing, muy tay, curling, karate, judo, arm wrestling, weenie wagging, greco-roman wrestling, law, ferret hunting, ghost whispering, bushido, slap boxing, bowling