Interests & Hobbies
Meaning of Life:
A couple of months ago, I woke up with a strange pain in my penis. When I eventually worked up the courage to investigate, I found that an in-grown hair was responsible and that my penis had swollen to twice its normal size! I was pleased by this development and chose not to seek medical care. However, 2 weeks later one of my testicles began to turn green and 2 weeks after that, it had swollen to the size of a cantaloup! Then the whole itching and burning thing with my butthole started (this condition is called Morbid Rectal E_n_i_g_m_a66 Personality Disorder) and pus began to leak from my penis. At this point Greenie, my favorite testicle, was amputated.
I recently set my ass on fire during one of the Jewish holidays that has all those pretty butt plug shaped candles. Since that incident, I have had a strong desire to convert to Judaism. Shalom bitches!
Five Things I Can't Live Without:
1) Greenie The Stinky Testicle, 2) ass to moth, 3) once you go back, you never go black
Favorite Books:
1) The Little Weiner Adventure Books by Dr. Hurt Pootbutton. 2) Betty Crocker Cooks For Assholes. 3) A City With Stinky Brown Fingers: The Great Philadelphia Toilet Paper Shortage of 1998 by Geraldo Rivera.
What I Like To Do For Fun:
1) Masturbate to Connie Poodlelingus videos, 2) when i shit i do little hard balls
Favorite Songs:
1) Beavis, Take A Look At My Ass It's A Lot Like You- Neil Young, 2) When Buttholes Cry- the Artist Formerly Known As Beavis The Fat Shithead Asshole, 4) Everybody Wants To Rule My Ass- Tears For Rears
Favorite Movies:
i like Ninja Turtle movies.
Craziest Thing I've Ever Done:
One night about 3 years ago me and the intellectually malnourished boys i call my amigos were drinking hard and long when one of us got the idea to stuff an air bag up somebodys ass and then set it off. I have always enjoyed having things shoved up my butt, including stuff like tunafish sandwiches, marsupials, and moon rocks, so I volunteered. Well, as you may have surmised, things didn't go as planned. After they scraped me off the ceiling and took me to the hospital, the doctor diagnosed that both my balls had been crushed, my bladder was launched out the tip of my penis, one of my eyeballs popped out of its socket, my voice went from baritone to soprano, my butt hole sustained second and third degree burns, and now when i fart, pieces of my liver come out of my ass in a strange brown rainbow. It was a totally catastrophic and humiliating failure.
Also, one night after watching Gorillas In The Mist, I broke into the local zoo and had sex with a chimpanzee.
If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now:
philadelphia. it has the lowest average IQ of any city on earth. i feel smart when i am in philadelphia and sheep dip is really affordable. My bag is sinking down and i do believe its time for Uncle Cletus to release the kraken and destroy this shitty town.
Talents:
Me love you short time.
Perfect Mate:
Hilary Clinton. I dream of inserting my FRIGHTENED cock into her cold scaly pussy, my dick climbing the cheesy, yeast coated walls of her gigantic droopy vagina. And if she is ovulating, we can make a souffle. Oh baby.
Perfect Date:
Watching as Beavis is abducted by aliens and has his ass PROBED, but only after they meet his demand to be treated to a romantic dinner. Hopefully, this does not violates some interplanetary perversion codes that prohibits butt sex between space creatures with green ass and poorly hung midget.
Turn Ons/Offs:
Turn On Danny Royce-WHEN THE MOUNTIES COME TO TOWN!!!!! Synchronized swimming.
Turn Off Danny Royce-running out of suppositories when the Mounties come to town, deciduous trees, when my grandpa forgets to SHAVE his testicles and Beavis gets a scab on his chin.
Best Reason to Get to Know Me:
Fun with dingleberries. I am a certified Rorschach Test Administrator and I use only the skid marks in E_n_i_g_m_a66's Fruit Of The Looms for reference material. I once spent the night in Donald Trumps wine cellar, caressing an Elvis impersonators unusually HAIRY, pimply buttocks. i am a former WWE tag team champion known and loved universally as Brutus The Beaver Barfcake. My partner, The Underweartaker, and I ruled professional wrestling during the 80s and 90s.
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